COMPILED BY TIFFANY GRAVETT
Me: What are you guys doing? Please be quiet while I’m still working.
Samuel and Jeremiah, age 5: We’re selling candy and water for the homeless people, we can’t let them die, Mom.
Me: Ok…do what you need to do.
I am a caregiver for Alzheimer/dementia patients. One of my ladies has a glass door with a view of her bird feeders outdoors. When it snowed this week, I told her I had a surprise for her and opened the curtains to reveal around thirty little birds prancing around in the snow. Her mouth dropped open and she said, “Oh my good-neeeeesssss! Those poor little chickens!”
Me: Chloe, where do you sit on the bus?
Chloe: In the back.
Me: Really? Why don't you sit in the front?
Chloe: Babe, I'm in kindergarten... I'm not the bus driver!
“I bet Jesus is gonna take his belt off and get that devil.” - Jeremiah, age 5
My daughter was at martial arts practice, and the instructor told them it was time to pair up and start sparring. She yelled out, "Put me in the cage!” -Cara, age 9
Explaining to Nicholas he's getting a haircut today….
"Wow. I'm glad my other house is really far away from people who RUIN my LIFE."
That escalated quickly.
(Thinking to myself these girls are making me crazy)
“MOM! Have you thanked Jesus for me today?” –Charlee Rae, age 3
T: It’s President Tobias!
Me: What would you do for America if you were the president?
T: Everyone would get toys. Every church gets two vans. Everyone gets a free $1,000. Everyone gets to be happy!
Kindergarten quote of the day (If I don’t laugh, I just might cry…again):
Jim (not real name): I need to go to Mrs. Rippy’s room and get my headphones!
Me: Jim, I am Mrs. Rippy and you don’t have headphones!
“Are we taking the stairs, or the alligator?” –Royal, age 4*
“Look, Mom! It’s a choo-choo train! And it’s chooching!” –Katie
“A skunk would make a good pet, but you’d have to get its stink tonsils removed.” –Lauchie, age 10*
I told Ivy she could have ravioli for dinner….
“I just have a hard time believing that there’s more to life than books and pasta.” –Ivy, age 11
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